NEW! Pull My Finger!
from Recording Geek Magazine, Issue 7, August 2006
Anybody can fart. But it takes a special combination of skill, expertise and the proper equipment to effectively record a fart. Fartingguy.com has that combination, and we took a few moments to chat with them about their particular area of expertise, and what it takes to record a fart.
Recording Geek Magazine: So, how do you record a fart?
Farting Guy: I stand in front of the mic, hit record, and let 'er rip.
RGM: That's it?
FG: Pretty much. It helps if I've had a few.
RGM: Is there any particular recording setup you prefer when recording a fart?
FG: Well, I use Steinberg's Cubase. It's no different than any other recording software, but I'm comfortable with the layout. And it's almost essential to use two different microphones.
RGM: You record in stereo?
FG: No, no... With a fart you know when it's coming, and you can control the release, but you never know what kind of fart it's going to be. Is it going to be the low, guttural fart, or the high squeaky fart? It might be silent but deadly. You never can tell. And if you're using the wrong microphone, you might lose the perfect fart.
RGM: So you record on two channels simultaneously.
FG: Right, right. When I was starting out, I was just using a cheapo MXL V67. It's a large diaphragm condenser with a rich low end and a sweet midrange. It really captures those low, sputtering farts like a champ. But I was throwing away all my high-pitched squeaky farts because they just sounded like crap.
RGM: How did you wind up resolving the issue?
FG: I invested in an Oktava MK012, another cheap mic. It's a small diaphragm condenser that does great with the higher frequency farts.
RGM: Do you use a windscreen?
FG: You have to.
RGM: So, we've covered the microphones, now what's the signal path?
FG: It's pretty simple. I run everything through a tube amp. Solid state is okay, but tubes really add warmth, and with farts warmth is everything. I have a Groove Tubes Brick and a little Electro-Harmonix 12AY-7. Sometimes I'll reverse the polarity on the E-H.
RGM: What does that do?
FG: I'm not sure, but I like to flip the switch.
RGM: Do you go straight to the computer then?
FG: No. I run both through a Mackie mixer with a sidechain processor on each channel. The large diaphragm gets one of those little DBX half-rack compressors they don't make anymore. They were made for the bass, so they work really well with the low-register farts. The Oktava goes out to an old Orban parametric EQ. It allows me to completely kill unwanted frequencies and it really reigns in those high, squeaky farts, cause they can get out of control. I'll use a noise gate, too, if there's one lying around.
RGM: Then you go to the computer workstation?
FG: Right, then the DAW. I don't use any VST plugins or effects. They can really mess with your processor unless your computer is a rocketship.
RGM: But you use postprocessing effects?
FG: Rarely. If I don't get it on the record, I'll probably just throw it away, unless it was an all-star fart. I mean, well, there's one, we call it "2-hrumph-trombone.wav." Man, the recording was just muffled and awful, but the fart was sooo & WOW. I mean, it was the Mona Lisa of farts, so I had to go in and recover it with post-processing EQ, compression, a vocal processor... the whole nine yards. The V67 got the better take, but the way the fart just curved up, it just couldn't capture the whole sound.
FGM: It took a lot of work, huh?
FG: It was a real pain, but, man was it worth it.
FGM: How many hours did it take?
FG: Hours? Dude, it's just a fart. I worked on it for like five minutes and said, good enough.
RGM: You mentioned that a lot of your equipment is second-hand or low-end gear. Is there anything you'd really like to have in your studio that would kick your productions up to the next level?
FG: A friend of mine rented a studio for his demo and I went to check it out and I just couldn't resist. There was a vintage U87 run through an old Neve preamp. The board had eight channels, totally original. It was like something George Martin would've set up for the Beatles. I just had to try it out. And I swear to you, when we played the recording back you could smell the fart again. I'd love a setup like that, but, the mic alone is like ten grand, so, forget it. Besides, they're just farts.
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